the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
