I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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