someone get that fucking seahorse.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
