You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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