Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
