You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
