She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
