girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
