I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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