That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
