What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
