i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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