Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
