I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
