I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
