i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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