Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
me + whiskey = a bad person
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
