Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
