I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize