as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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