she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
its not stalking. its research.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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