This girl is more easily done than said...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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