He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
