New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
