Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just had sex bonerless
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
