Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
