found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
