Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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