i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
