and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
