if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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