Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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