theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
