just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
