Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
