So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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