Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize