It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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