We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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