Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
me + whiskey = a bad person
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize