So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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