i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
