i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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