That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
