there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
