I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Randomize
