I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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