Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(956): View more from Texas

And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.

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(415): View more from California

I have another pimple on my ass cheek.

(420): View more from

I'll be there in 10 minutes.

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(813): View more from Florida

sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

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(305): View more from Florida

You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...

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(317): View more from Indiana

It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

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(416): View more from Toronto

I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me

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(801): View more from Utah

I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story

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(407): View more from Florida

Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.

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