my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
