Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
