when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize