Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
