Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
