Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
