it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
