Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
birth control should be required to get into college
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
