Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize