Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
