Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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