glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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