the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She announced her abortion via fbk
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
