Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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