We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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