doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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