some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
a search helicopter?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
