they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Im part way to drunk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
