We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
