highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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