so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
