you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
