did you get engaged???
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
