I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
