Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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