I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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