Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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