haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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