All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
